Well, where do I start? It's been a hell of a year for me. I've been quiet because I've been learning, growing and just going through it. I always say I went from a boy to a man this year. Sometimes the pain you go through and teach you how to toughen up. So here's to 2015, I guess.
This time last year, my car had broken down and I was 3 hours from home in college. I had no way to get to work except a few faithful friends. I was saving up for a new car. I was in a rough place financially and couldn't hardly stand it. All I could do is work and save my money.
In early February, I was on my way home from work when I got a call from a friend. That night I received the worst news possible at that point. They found my mother dead in her apartment. My mother had hit a very rough place in her life. She got plugged into her local church, started walking with God and started connecting with new friends. Still nothing seemed to help her ease her mind. On Feb 5, She attempted suicide and was successful.
From this point on, 2015 would be the roughest year ever for me. I begin to grow cold. The last time I saw my mother was when I dropped her off at the hospital. It felt like no one could understand how that feels. I was so ready to give up on my faith in God. I didn't care about anything for the next few months. I lived cold and silent.
Thank God that I was plugged in with some good friends here in Ohio. Without them I would be dead. While grieving the loss of my mother, I didn't hear much from people back home. Not that it mattered, but I realized after it was all said and done that people can't help you apart from God. I was not on the best terms with God, but I kept Him at a close distance and waited for everything to work out. I eventually got blessed with a nice new car and a very nice job. To say the least, I still to this day don't feel like "things worked out." However, my faith hasn't wavered.
I'm honestly in this place where I don't care about a lot of extra stuff anymore. You learn that God will hold you through these times, but that doesn't mean it feels better. He'll protect you, but when the storm comes, you just may get a little wet. I understand it's just Him and I on this journey of faith. My love for Him is because He loved me first as my father and creator. I no longer have the arrogance to pretend I understand this thing called life, but I do have the boldness to declare that I trust Him. I can tell people that He is THE ONLY ONE who can make this life make sense one day. He's all that matters.
It's so hard to say goodbye to a year that has a whole bunch of unanswered questions in it. I'm excited to see what the future holds. In the words of Mali Music, I'm just one of them old people that God's got ahold of.
So with all of that being said, this is a song of my upcoming mixtape Runaway called "So Long, So Long." Originally recorded at Premiere Studios in Time Square.
& oh yea, I almost forgot #RunawayComingFeb5th